Virginity Lost.

Well this is certainly an interesting situation.

Now now, don't go peeing your pants out of terror/excitement/shame/what have you. I am still technically (sexually) a virgin.


On Thursday night, I got a phone call from a blocked number. The person calling told me his name was Brian, and we proceeded to have a conversation, with me trying to figure out if/how I knew him, but nevertheless enjoying it in a weird way. He eventually admitted that his name was not Brian, but Thomas, and that my friend's younger brother had given him my number in order to prank call me. He told me he was 19, and jokingly suggested we meet up some time. I said sure, why not. He was surprised, and we made plans to meet up. He was polite an funny, and came to pick me up Friday night for dinner.

In the car on the way over, he turned to me. "I have to tell you something," he said. "I'm not 19. I'm actually 18..." The thought didn't surprise me for some reason. I replied lightheartedly. "well, as long as you're graduated from high school, I'm good," I joked. He laughed nervously and we went on.

After dinner we rented a movie and watched it at his house in Provo, where he lived with his parents. We were very comfortable around each other and didn't find it difficult getting close and snuggly. We lay on his bed at one point, just talking about all kinds of things. Our conversations ranged from deep and meaningful to comical and teasing. I was terribly surprised by it all.

At one point, things were getting flirty and a little physical. He complimented my body, feeling my abs and running his hands up my back, and the talk turned to physical things as well. He looked at me and said,"you know, I'm actually VL." (that's "virgin lips" for all you uneducated folk.) I didn't believe him, and said so, but he swore it was true. I could tell he wanted to kiss me. It was blaringly obvious. But is isn't give in. I'm not a first-date chick anymore, you know. But I let him touch me and hold my hand. I did like him. It's true.

The next day, we were texting, when the brother of his friend texted me as well, asking I I'd had fun and poking at a certain fact about Thomas. I was astounded, and asked Thomas if it was true. He admitted it.

"yes... I'm still in high school. I was scared to tell you because we were getting along so well and I didn't want to mess it up. Please don't let it screw up our friendship," he begged. And I couldn't help it. Though it stressed me out as hell, I gave in and said we could see each other again that night, given that we keep it quiet from our friends.

He picked me up again that night. Though I was still unnerved, I couldn't help but like him. God help me, I do not know why I do.

And as you can probably guess, yes. I kissed him that night. I'd never before been someone's a first kiss, and it was certainly an experience. It was like I could mold him however I wanted. I felt powerful and mature and awesome. Ha.... No kidding. It was magnificent.

I saw him again last night. He was worried that I would get tired of him. Unfortunately, I'm not. Unfortunate because we have mutual friends who would kill us if they knew. Unfortunate because I'm 21 and he's 18. Unfortunate because he's even younger than my little sister. Unfortunate because our parents would kill us. Unfortunate because he's a senior in high school, and I'm a senior in college.

It's so not right. Yet I can't help myself.

Go figure.

Oops.

Kade and I have known each other for well over a year- that's a long time, if you think about it. Basically, we've known each other through several seasons, relationships on both ends, and even his short engagement with an ex at the very beginning of the year.

Our conversations are usually one of two things-- whiny about our own individual personal problems, or subtly flirtatious.

We are both kind of make out whores-- meaning we've both kissed many a person of the opposite sex within that year and a half since we met. We almost dated each other a couple times, but things never quite seemed to work out quite how we felt they ought to be. Yet somehow, we still hadn't even kissed. Cuddled a wee bit, yes. But macked, negative. We've even discussed this in a joking way before, as in, haha, we've never kissed and we're both a bit slutty. How odd. Lol.

Well, we broke that streak.

The day before Halloween, we were talking on facebook that Sunday night. He was trying to get me to come and hang out with him, and I told him no. One, on accounta it was super cold and I was really comfortable on my space on the couch (Big bang theory anyone?) And two, on accounta my roomate Cami would not approve. She isn't Kade's biggest fan, mostly based on the fact that for some reason she is not attracted to him, and doesn't want to imagine me or anyone else hypothetically making out with him.

However, as fate would have it, Cami fell asleep.

Lucky me.

I literally snuck out of my apartment once my roommates were all asnooze. Kade met me outside and we headed to his place, where we watched a movie and just snuggled for a while, half asleep. However, near the end of the movie, we both found ourselves very much awake.

I was looking at him, and he was looking at me, and I thought to myself.....

To hell with it.

And then we made out. For four hours.

Then, on the Friday night after that, we did it again.

Oops.

Oh well.

Is this a hickey or a bruise?

Oh hickeys.

I have such mixed feelings about them.

I've only gotten hickeys on three occasions, and only given them on 2. And in case you hadn't gathered, I'm not stranger to making out. So maybe its strange that I don't have a huge affinity for them.

Actually, it wasn't until this calendar year that I even allowed them to be given to me or have given them out myself. Beginning... oh, March I believe? That was when I got my first hickey. Well, my first two. Eh hem.

It was when Drew and I made out, for kicks and giggles. You know, Charlie, my ex, 's best friend? Yeah, that. Annnnyways, he told me while we were going at it that he likes giving and getting hickeys, and I let him know right off that I am not a fan. It didn't really stop him. A few minutes later, he was going for it, and within a brief period of time, I had two matching hickeys, one on either side of my neck, below my ears. They weren't massive, but I will grant him, they sure were colorful. Apparently I bruise pretty easily... just for future reference.

Drew wanted me to give him one, but I said no. Particularly because I was already feeling slightly guilty about making out with him behind Charlie's back, and also because I still didn't see the allure... I hadn't really enjoyed getting them just then.

The second time I got a hickey was when Duke and I used to hook up. He was a boob man... yep. He liked boobs. And he used to get dangerously close to mine. One night, after our "festivities," I was looking in the mirror, assessing the damage, and saw a not-too smallish bruise sitting low upon my chest. Yep. The boy tried to give me a hickey on my boob. And just about half succeeded. Weird.

Also, Duke is the first guy I actually gave a hickey to. I wasn't even sure at the time if it had even bruised sufficiently, but decided to go for it anyways. And this time, I didn't find it disgusting. Go figure. ;)

Did I mention I had a class with Duke? Because I did.

Did I also mention that two days after that night, in said class, he gave a presentation for a project, and I just so happened to notice a slightly-pulled up collar around his neck? Yeah, it was like 85 degrees outside, buddy. No need to wear a jacket. Imagine my pleasant surprise when I saw a small hickey right there, on the left side of his neck, barely concealed by the collar of that jacket of his.

And then, then is when I realized how satisfying it is to see your hard work on display in a manner such as "The Hickey."

The last time I received one/gave one was when Charlie and I last made out, roughly a month ago. He gave me what is easily... the BIGGEST freakin hickey I have ever seen.

Remember how I went back home to visit a couple days after that?

Well, there's only so many times you can tell your family that you burned yourself with a curling iron. Especially when your sister-in-law raises her eyebrows at you questioningly, then tells you that the "burn" looks just like "a freaking huge hickey" and all you can do is act exasperated and try to laugh it off, like you think its funny in a feeble attempt to not give yourself away.

In other news, I've started hanging out with this one new kid in my ward. I know, I know, I need to stop "peeing in the pool," so to speak. Nothing good ever seems to come of it.

No worries, I'm not jumping into anything. I also have a date lined up for next week with a friend of mine, who I also happened to think is easily the most attractive man I have ever met. You know, he actually hasn't gotten any action since he came home from his mission nearly a year and a half ago. Terribly surprising.

I just wanna say... I would like to volunteer to be the one to break that streak.

I will TAKE that challenge.

Til later, lovers. XOXO. TC

Holy Mother of Somethin.

Sorry kids, for kind of sucking at this whole blogging continuously thing, like I promised at one point. I'll try my best to work my way back up to once a week, at least, but it will probably take a while.

So what has been going on with me? Well lets see.

A lot.

So, in order to avoid the difficulty of the whole explaining every single thing that has ever happened shindig, Here is the extremely abbreviated Reader's Digest Version of what has been going down in my Romantic/ Love/ Sex life lately.

1. October-December of last year, I was dating a guy, Charlie, from my ward/FHE group. Yeah yeah, incest, whatever. We broke up in early December, because I wasn't really into it and he felt like he was getting shafted after a while with my "emotional unavailability" and what we determined was a "lack of that 'spark.'"

2. Beginning in January of 2011, I started hanging out with another recently broken-up guy in our FHE group, Jeff. He was a redhead with my same sense of humor and broken heart, and we bonded quickly and rapidly over our mutual love losses. (His ex-gf was also in our FHE group. Yeah, I know, more incest.) We started cuddling and holding hands and spending virtually all our time together, while simultaneously deciding that we weren't 'anything' and hiding our pseudo-relationship from our exes and everyone else in the ward. One night we kissed, and the next made out for a while, then afterwards he told me he still didnt want to date anyone, or be committed, but still wanted to kiss me. In the moment I said OK, but two days later, I realized that I really liked him a lot, told him so, then said if he didn't want to be with me, then we couldn't kiss anymore. He said ok, dropped out of my life completely, and broke my freakin heart.

Weird, huh? Pretty out of character for me.

3. One night, I made out with one of my best guy friends, and Charlie's best friend, Drew. Just for kicks and giggles. Sounds trashy, I know. And there really was no particular reason for it. He's only kissed like, 7 girls total now... one of which is me. Then he told all his friends, including Charlie, and I was pissed for a while. We're good now though, and still bestest buddies, but sans the makeout bidness, which we like to pretend never happened.

4. I started seeing one kid, Jack, who turned out to be super awkward and WoW obsessed. Let him kiss me once, then dropped it like its hot when he moved away for the summer. He's recently tried contacting me again, and I have artfully ignored and waived off his advances.

5. I hung out with my roommate one night, and met a guy, Duke. He and I connected physically extremely quickly, made out ferociously that night for hours and hours, and possibly did some stuff that is... well, no bueno in terms of what mormons should be doing together. This continued for several weekends, us hooking up at my apartment. A week after we stopped I went and talked to my bishop about... things that happened. I'm in good shape now, but that was an interesting interlude. Duke still contacts me almost every other week to once a week, trying to get me to hook up with him again, but I find empowerment in denying him thereof. Ha.

6. I hooked up once with a new kid in my ward over the summer, Dallin. He is of a questionable nature, and I only made out with him once, but it was pretty good that once time. While we hooked up, his roommate and mine were also hooking up, as we later learned. She and I sure got a kick out of that little coincidence.

7. I began dating a guy that my other roommate once dated while she was out of town. I thought there was real potential here. The first time we made out, we nearly got a little carried away, but were good. A little under a month after we got together, we decided that we got too physical too fast, and decided to slow things down, meaning not see each other or mack anymore. That was a couple weeks ago, and I'm feelin that its basically over, even though he seems to believe we still have some semblance of a chance.

8. And lastly.

I went back home for a week of vacation last week. Two days before I left, it was Charlie's birthday, and since we are friends again, a big group of us went out to dinner to celebrate. Afterwards, somehow just he and I ended up at his apartment, and about 10 minutes after being there alone, he kissed me. About three seconds after that, we started making out. That bidness continued for about another three and a half hours.

Then I left the state for a week, and thought about it, and decided not to get back together. We're still friends, but I do wonder if I'll have to have that conversation with him sometime in the near future. Nooot looking forward to that.

In other news, I met a friendly type fellow on facebook who's moving into my ward at the end of the week, and served his mission in my hometown. After some minor stalking, he seems like he could be interesting, so we'll see about that.

Also, my good friend Dustin wants to set me up with a friend of his, who is living with him between apartments at the moment. They're supposed to pick me up from work today, actually... so I guess we'll see how that goes. Dustin seems pretty determined that we would make a good match, but I don't know much about Dustin's taste in men, but his taste in women... sub-par, seeing as I am not particularly fond of his girlfriend. But I'll be sure to report back if anything of substance happens in that department.

Keep it real, my little nuggets.

TC

Ryan with a Y

One Sunday in July, we were at church in the lovely afternoon. A few reasonably attractive boys decided to sit behind my roommates and I in sacrament meeting. We made some small talk and conversation, and they introduced themselves to us as Caleb and Ryan (with a Y.)

I pointed out that it was funny that he felt a need to go out of his way to note that his name has a Y in it. We told him that we would forever call him that entirely-- "Ryan with a Y." We bantered back and forth for a few minutes, flirting a bit before sacrament started.

Once we were back at our apartment, he happened to walk by our front door and popped in to say hello. We all talked a bit more, and he ended up staying and going to a park with us that night just for kicks and giggles. Afterwards, we all were in my living room watching episodes of Monk. Ryan and I ended up cuddling on the couch, holding hands, blah blah whatever. You know the drill.

We exchanged numbers. I heard nothing for another month.

One night in late August, I was outside on the phone with my Dad and had just hung up, when I ran into Ryan with a Y. He asked if I would help him search for his social security card in his car. I said sure, and we took a few minutes to find it.

Somehow or another, I found myself in his apartment at 1am.

And about a half hour later, I found myself kissing him. About 5 minutes after that, I found myself ferociously making out with him.

And still an hour after that.

About a half hour after THAT, I found myself somehow on the floor... but continuing.

And an hour after that.

Come to think of it, I didn't find myself in my own apartment until around 4am.

Funny how that happens, huh?

Oh life.

And then there was Utah. End of June 2010

And so, on one dreary Sunday morning, I flew to Utah.

Enter the new roommates. A Utah-bred blonde, and half-mexican North Californian brunette, both of them 5'10", making me feel like a midget at my hardly-5'4".

Names: Annee and Kami.

I remember, the second day I was there, I woke up one morning, hearing them talking loudly in their bedroom to another friend who'd come to visit, basically yelling about the boy drama they were having. Annee had just broken up with her Mexican boyfriend, Kami was attempting to choose between the boy she'd kissed days before right before he went home for 6 weeks, or the new boy she'd macked on the night previous.

I texted my old roommate who was on a study abroad, and reported: "I think I'm going to like it here."

-----------------

We bonded fairly quickly. Soon enough we were comfortable enough hanging out regularly, their friends were my friends, etc.

One rather boring Tuesday afternoon, we were all sitting about, trying to figure out what we could do to entertain ourselves that evening. We were watching the Bachelorette, a regular occurrence, and suddenly Annee yelled out, "I WANT TO CUDDLE WITH A BOY. ..........Let's have a cuddle party."

After a moment of staring from me and Kami, there was a general round of agreeing. Soon enough, plans were made for "Cuddle Tuesday." We started texting all of the local guys we knew amongst ourselves, inviting them over for "Cuddle Tuesday," which was to become a weekly thing if successful, we decided. We got back mostly half-hearted responses, but a couple said they would be there.

8 o'clock rolled around, and a couple guys made appearances during the movie we had decided to watch... but most of them were too terrified to make any moves. Sigh. Silly Utah boys. Fortunately, a friend of Kami, who I'd met briefly once before, decided to attend. His name? Max.

Max was a huge flirt. Blatant and unabashed. I'm kind of into that total lack of shame or holding back, so needless to say, I responded pretty well.

Long story short, Max and I ended up being the only ones in the room cuddling. And by cuddling, I MEAN cuddling. Spooning, hand holding, the whole deal. At one point, he was joking around and tickling me, and I turned over into the back of the couch we were on, and he stuck his head into the little dark cranny my face was confined to. Someone else in the room yelled something about not making out in front of everyone, and we jokingly made some loud, fake macking noises. Right after that, a loud action part of the movie came on, and our faces were super close. I giggled, and Max goes, "Why won't you kiss me?" And I responded by quietly placing one on him right then. He laughed and did the same to me, then we turned back out to the movie.

A few hours later, most everyone had left or gone to bed. Cept for Max and I.

Billy Madison was playing in the background as we spooned on the couch. I'd never seen that movie before.

Well... I still haven't really seen that movie.

Mostly because we were a little preoccupied with making out.

Hey. It happens.

I made him swear he wouldn't tell my roommates. Mostly because I was still pretty new and didn't want them to think I was a total and complete slut. And, as I texted him afterwards, "I'm pretty sure this makes me look.. well, really easy."

But thats life.

PDD Part 2-- Journal Style

The following is the actual entry out of my journal from Wednesday, June 16, 2010.

Y'all should feel special. This is seriously a word-for-word copy of what my journal says about The Jack incident.

Enjoy.

So It turns out I can be a bit slutty sometimes. And here's why.

On Monday night, I went to FHE at Foster's parents' house, where we watched a movie on the lawn. While I was there, I got to talking to Jack, who teased me about Chad, and told me he actually made out with Kimberly, Chad's friend from South Carolina, at the same time me and Chad were making out when I left last night. He was flirty, and was all, "I won't tell Chad if you don't tell Kim," innuendo, etc.

Oh. And did I mention I learned this whilst sitting on his lap while he was on a lawn chair?

Because I was.

He had beckoned me jokingly over at one point, patting his leg, saying "Come on, TC, let's have a little chat."

You should have seen the look of mild, pleasant surprise on his face when I shrugged and just popped right on down.

It was right around then that I adopted a new policy and outlook on life.

I like to call it, "To Hell with it."

Jack and I spent the evening basically flirting it up. He asked for my phone number and said we should go to a baseball game the next night. I said sure, and we made plans for Tuesday. After the movie ended and most of the branch had left, our little group of friends decided to stay with Foster and watch Phantom of the Opera on the lawn as well. He turned it on and we all readjusted closer to the screen. At first Jack and I were just sitting side by side, but then we lay down to get more comfortable.

Somehow or another, after about twenty minutes, we were spooning on the blanket. He would reach over and scratch or rub my back occasionally, and we would whisper jokes or comments about the movie to each other. At one point, he gently leaned over and kissed my neck, very lightly.

We all know how I feel about neck kissing.

HOT.

I think I actually kind of shivered or something, and shifted, and he leaned back a little and whispered, "Oh, was that not okay? Sorry.. it was just a little kiss."

I relaxed back again , reassuring him that it was more than okay. He hesitantly reached back and wrapped his arm around me again. After about another hour or two, I left my friends to go home.

The next night we went to the baseball game. There was a two hour rain delay after we got to the stadium, but we stuck it out, laughing and talking and joking under an umbrella until the game finally started.

Something you may not know about me: Huge. Baseball. Fan.

So basically, the whole game was enjoyable.

Jack was good too, I guess. Ahahaha.

He would hold my hand or put his arm aroud me, or he started doing that thing I'm really into where he would rub his face into my neck and just breathe for a second, then place a little smooch right by my collarbone.

HOT.

So he picked me up yesterday and we were just as flirty as before. We snuggled a little duing the game,which had a two hour rain delay, and our team lost, but it was still fun. On the way home, while still in the parking lot, he looked at me and said "I really wanna kiss you."

I responded. "Hmm, is that so?" as he started driving home.

"Yep. But I don't know if I should."

"Huh. I don't know if you should either."

The conversation went back to normal, but with a slightly increased sexual tension. We just drove and listened to music and chatted. Eventually we got to my house.

There was some sort of banter going on, and then another one of those close-face pauses. He stared at me for a milisecond, and then went for it.

Holy Crap. This boy is a good kisser.

I know he's had a lot of experience, but hey, it shows. Like, seriously. He was perfect at it. By far, even today, the best kisser I've ever been with.

I don't know if I can explain it. Maybe it was the way he reached over me to lean my passenger seat back further, or maybe the way he would pause to kiss the rest of my face or (swoon) my neck every so often, or maybe it was the way he would whisper on a conversation even as we were making out.

"I like to take my time," he would say softly. "I like to make each... [kiss on one side of my neck] little kiss... [kiss just further down my neck] last... I like to make the experience worth it."

I couldn't help myself. I laughed or giggled aloud a couple times like a schoolgirl. He asked why, and all I could say is, "Well, I hardly talked to you up until a few days ago, and now we're.. well, here, doing this. I just find it sort of amusing." He would laugh and agree.

He straight up asked me at one point. "Do you kiss with tongue?"

"Well, sometimes. Depending. Like with Chad, he was.. well, sort of a wet kisser. He tried to let his tongue do all the work, and well, that doesn't do it for me."

"So.. does that make me a better kissed that hit-it-quit-it-Chad?"

"Um, yeah, actually. .......A lot better. Hahaha!"

We french kissed. And I didn't gag. I'm not a huge fan of french kissing generally. I think saliva is gross. But he had some way of doing it that just, was just enough. He drew back slightly at first and his eyes flicked. "Oh.. I like that. You know, you're kind of good at this."

"Oh, thanks. I like to think so I guess." AHAHAHA.

He whispered to me again. "Wow. I like the way you taste. Its sweet. Like, literally sweet. Amazing."

I am a sucker for sweet talk. Literal or no.

He kept saying how surprised he was by me, and how he was taken aback, and felt like he must have been missing out all this time, which made me giggle, since I like being unexpected. It makes me feel powerful.

After I went inside, he texted me saying "I think i'm going to smile for three days! :) Sleep sweet." It was sort of adorable.

Basically, we both know nothing can happen, since I'm kind of flying back to Utah on Sunday. But I do think he likes me.. maybe a lot. Hahaha.